ABOUT TM1

 A MESSAGE FROM THE PRODUCER OF THEATRE MINUS ONE

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GREETINGS, THEATRE LOVERS.  I’M THE PRODUCER OF THEATRE MINUS ONE, A NEW LIVE THEATRE EXPERIENCE UNLIKE ANY OTHER YOU’VE SEEN BEFORE. 

 

“HOW IS THEATRE MINUS ONE DIFFERENT?” YOU MAY ASK. 

 

WELL, COPYRIGHT LAWS AND LAWYERS, MOSTLY, BUT WE BELIEVE OUR SHOW OFFERS AN EXCITING NEW LEVEL OF AUDIENCE INVOLVEMENT… AN UNPRECEDENTED BRIDGE BETWEEN OUR PLAYERS AND YOU, OUR AUDIENCE.  AND I’M HERE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT…

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HERE AT THEATRE MINUS ONE, WE REALLY BELIEVE THAT SHOWS DEPEND ON THEIR STARS.  WHAT WOULD THE MUSIC MAN HAVE BEEN WITHOUT ROBERT PRESTON?  OR CATS WITHOUT BETTY BUCKLEY?  OR THE LION KING WITHOUT… WELL, THE LION?

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UNFORTUNATELY, WE KNOW THE ANSWER – BECAUSE THESE SHOWS, AND MANY OTHER GREAT ONES, TOO – ARE NOW PERFORMED BY -- UGH! --     REVIVAL CASTS… AND HIGH SCHOOLS… AND EVEN COMMUNITY THEATERS. 

 

GOOD LORD.

 

AT TM1 WE WONDERED, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STARS?

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AND THEN WE REALIZED… WE HAVE NO IDEA. 

 

WHO KNOWS WHERE STARS COME FROM?  FOR ALL I KNOW YOU MAY BE ONE. 

 

ACTUALLY… HERE’S A TEST:  DO PRODUCERS LIKE ME ROUTINELY PAY YOU OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY FOR YOU TO SAY WORDS AND MOVE AROUND A SET WITHOUT HITTING THE FURNITURE?  NO? OK… YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT A STAR… YET.  BUT HAS ANYONE EVER GIVEN YOU THE CHANCE TO FIND OUT IF YOU’RE A STAR? 

 

HMMMMMM?

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GET READY FOR ME TO BLOW YOUR MIND.  THEATRE MINUS ONE HAS BEEN BUILT ON THE BELIEF THAT EVERY AUDIENCE AT EVERY THEATRICAL PERFORMANCE HOLDS AT LEAST ONE POTENTIAL STAR.  MAYBE MORE!  THAT MAY SOUND RIDICULOUS… AND UNSCIENTIFIC… AND EASILY PROVEN WRONG, BUT WE ARE NOT SCIENTISTS – WE ARE THEATRE PEOPLE.  HOW HARD WOULD IT BE, WE ASKED OURSELVES, TO SEE IF THIS INBECILIC NOTION WAS CORRECT?  AND MORE IMPORTANTLY… HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST?

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THE RESULT OF OUR STAR-IDENTIFYING EXPERIMENT IS NOW COMING TO YOU… LIVE.  AT EVERY THEATRE MINUS ONE PERFORMANCE, WE INTENTIONALLY LEAVE AT LEAST ONE STARRING ROLE UNCAST.  BRILLIANT.  AT EVERY THEATRE MINUS ONE PERFORMANCE WE SELECT NEW STARS FROM THE AUDIENCE – PERHAPS EVEN YOU – TO JOIN OUR PLAYERS ONSTAGE FOR WHAT PROMISES TO BE A HILARIOUSLY ENTERTAINING SHOW...

 

...AT LEAST FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE.

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I KNOW… IT SOUNDS CRAZY.  BUT CRAZY THINGS HAPPEN, RIGHT?  KEANU REAVES IS STILL MAKING MOVIES!  GORDON RAMSEY HAS ABOUT 16 SHOWS ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW – AND HE’S A COOK!  JAMES FRANCO STARRED IN OF MICE AND MEN.  ON BROADWAY!

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THEATRE MINUS ONE IS THE ONLY SHOW WHERE YOU MAY BE THE STAR.  BUT THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN IF YOU DO TWO THINGS:  NUMBER ONE, OBVIOUSLY, BUY A TICKET AND BE IN OUR AUDIENCE.  FINDING OUT IF YOU’RE A STAR IS WORTH OUR PATHETIC TICKET PRICE, I PROMISE YOU. 

 

AND NUMBER TWO, REMEMBER THAT YOU COME INTO OUR HOUSE AS A SIMPLE, COMMON, UNSOPHISTICATED PEDANTIC RUBE – A NOBODY, IF YOU WILL – BUT YOU MAY LEAVE OUR THEATRE KNOWING THE FEELING OF ALL THE REST OF THE AUDIENCE’S EYES UPON YOU. 

 

AND THAT’S A FEELING THAT’S ALMOST AS GOOD AS IT SOUNDS.

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THIS COULD BE YOUR BIG BREAK – AND WHO KNOWS?  WITH THE RELEASES YOU’LL HAVE TO SIGN, THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK, TOO!  YOU MIGHT ACUTALLY BE THE NEXT JAMES FRANCO! 

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I HOPE I’VE WHETTED YOUR APPETITE, AND SATISFIED SOME OF YOUR CURIOSITY ABOUT THEATRE MINUS ONE.  GET YOUR TICKETS NOW AND JOIN US FOR ONE OF OUR UPCOMING PERFORMANCES.  WE’LL BE HERE FOR YOU, AND WE’RE SAVING YOU A SPOT IN OUR COMPANY. 

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JUST DO ME A FAVOR… TRY NOT TO HOG ALL THE APPLAUSE…

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